Quote: "Most of us change not because we see the light, but because we feel the heat!"
--"Eat, Sleep, Fly" by Maryjo Koch
Hi! I just wanted to introduce myself. I'm so excited to get to know everyone and share this journey of discovery as a single woman with a child. No "single-mom" #@llsh#@ please! It has become such a moniker of hardship and even shame. We Mom's who were strong enough to leave bad, abusive, or otherwise unfulfilling unions are to be celebrated as brave thoughtful parents who chose to create homes of love and peace for our children rather than continue to load the powder-keg of a dysfunctional family. It's going to sort of be like "Eat, Pray, Love" but without the luxury of a beautifully orchestrated three part foreign travel adventure. It's a messy, joyous adventure in real life with the wonderful grounding responsibility of my four year old daughter.
In fact she is the one who came up with the name, "Butterfly Mommy". We were celebrating her birthday at the Arizona Biltmore Hotel in Phoenix, if you ever get the chance to go it is amazing, and as we got ready for dinner she said, in this gentle sweet voice, "You are my beautiful butterfly Mommy". Love lit up her entire being. It made my heart sing! Not just because she thought I was beautiful but because she could see my process of metamorphosing from the inwardly tortured outwardly plastic perfection I had been while working in my big high powered job hiding my horrific marriage... to the real, loving, authentic, beautiful woman I am. She could see it. It made my soul sing.
By the way, I'm so sorry! But I can't reveal my real name because I work in the public eye and putting all these intimate details out there could affect my credibility and my ability to get a full time job. And as I am currently sleeping on a blow-up bed in my Mother's den so my daughter can have the one guest room...finding that full-time job and getting our own home is really priority number one. You see the price of my glorious freedom; getting out of an abusive marriage and giving my daughter a wonderful, juicy, peaceful life.....was landing on my mother's doorstep in a state far away from the epicenter of my profession so I don't get as much work, giving up my two homes, finding out my entire savings and inheritance had already been pilfered along with a mortgage by the deceitful man I had been married to. ( It was out of a movie funny when I called to refinance and the mortgage guy was like no Butterfly Mommy this is not your home, we can't give you any info. I was like do husbands really do that, secretly take their wives' names off the mortgage because they know they've made them think they're too stupid to look at the mail let alone do the bills? The answer is: "Yes!". But I'm always reminded of what Elin Nordegren said about the Tiger scandal...basically if you are a trusting person and a sociopath decides to deceive you.. they will. But you can't go around distrusting everyone because of it. I believe in the goodness in people and that it is a million times stronger than the bad.)
And as difficult as it is to be monetarily poor, I have never been wealthier in personal happiness, hope and faith. And a knowing that this time my NEW life will be built on a foundation of truth, love, and trust in divinity that will allow what I construct to have staying power. It's kinda like I've been "The Three Little Pigs": in my 20's I built in straw..pooof! The Big Bad Wolf definitely blew it down. In my 30's I built in sticks..poof! The Big Bad Wolf not only blew it up but squatted in the ruins. Now in my 40's I am going to build in brick and mortar, and if that Big Bad #@@#ing Wolf comes back he will find himself in the boiling pot at the bottom of my chimney!
It's what Spirit Junkie Gabby Bernstein calls "sticking power". You have to clear all the #@ap away so what you create sticks. She says that just like artists we have to create on a clean prepared canvas so what we dream..aka manifest will stick. Because if we don't have that clean strong pure foundation..sure we can manifest things but they won't stay, they won't stick, they will just drip, seep, and bleed into a big blobby bunch of color that is no longer art...it's just a mess...hanging on a wall for all to see.
So maybe this blog will be "Clear, Paint, Love!"
Remember from "Under the Tuscan Sun" when Diane Lane's character says "Ladybugs, lots and lots of ladybugs!" Well "Butterflies, lots and lots of butterflies!" Let's clear and prep the canvas and paint lots and lots of butterflies!
XOXXO!
Butterfly Mommy
